Back home

photo: sun, clouds and prayer flags.. a time between two breaths, a time of peace and wholeness. Umeå 2011

I feel like writing, though I don’t have a particular topic in my mind. So, just writing to get out whatever wants to be written, cause even though I’m not sure what it is, my fingers and my subconscious mind can work together to bring it to light..

Now, I have a cat by my feet, that is basically making my day by not leaving even if I open the door and even when I know that she is hungry.. The sight of her lying there, breathing calmly, purring from time to time and just “being” makes me want to just sit down, breathe, look at her and cuddle by her.. But what I do in reality is to hide behind the screen, to a world of “unseen support” so that I can supress my mind just in case it thinks something about internship applications.

This is one thing I want to work on, the “possibility negativeness”. My mind (or if you look at the self help books, most of the minds) have a tendency to write stories about all the possibilities before even anything starts. And from all these possible scenarios, my mind also likes to focus on the ones that combine multiple negative outcomes to ensure that I just sit tight here and not worry about the possible negativity! What I want to “remember” is to accept that my mind is a storyteller, but also just not take it seriously and do the stuff without thinking of the next 10 year consequences of them.

Letting my soul speak through writing… Not letting the mind take over to write stories about the best possible way to write something but instead just typing until the mind leaves and the fingers take over :)

Coming home is the first step.. Now, it’s time to take all the boxes under the bed to sort them and clean them out, for when those boxes were put there, I was not who I was now. So, defining myself through those boxes do not work anymore.. Time to move on, and not think what the future will bring.. Trust the process and just let go..

(what I mean by mind, soul, fingers and such might not correspond to the same words in your own dictionary.. the mind for me, is the part of me that talks and analyses and struggles. the soul for me, is the part that just is, that just be and flow, fingers for me are the long endings of my hands that i use less than i ought to in this word of keyboards and touchscreens.. I love my mind, soul, fingers and all the rest of me all the same :))

photo: sun, clouds and prayer flags.. a time between two breaths, a time of peace and wholeness. Umeå 2011



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